Sunday Dinner

Gladys made sure Sunday dinner after church was a big event. She set the table with China, sterling, goblets, cloth napkins, and prepared a big pot roast with all the trimmings. It was the only time during the week that the whole family was present and had a chance to visit and catch up on each other’s lives.

This Sunday was no different. Dinner was served, the conversation was engaging, and everyone seemed happy when the doorbell rang. Gladys was not pleased with the interruption, nevertheless, she proceeded to the door.

When she opened the door, before her stood Mr. Guy from church holding the hand of none other than George Junior. “Did you forget something?” he asked. Gladys hadn’t even noticed Junior was missing.

One week later: Gladys was making sure everyone was ready for church and Junior announced, “I’m not going to church with you guys--you’ll just leave me there!”

One month later: The Sunday school teacher gave a lesson about Jesus teaching in the temple at the age of twelve. Someone in the class said, “I can’t imagine how Joseph and Mary could go for two whole days in the caravan without noticing their son was missing.”

Mr. Guy spoke up from the back of the room, “Ask Gladys.”

Nose hairs and other Nonsense

The bad thing about aging is that the hair on your head takes a vacation and never returns ...or maybe it does in a different form. It grows on and out of your ears and out your nose.

Gladys has tweezed the hair between her eyebrows for years. Now it’s the only eyebrow hair that continues to grow. The remainder of her eyebrows have fled to the Promised Land. The hair on her legs continues to be a problem, but they, like her personality, are softening with age. She looks forward to the promised future when they will join the hair on her head and her eyebrows in that great beyond.

George, now bald on the other hand, doesn’t seem bothered by the forest appearing on his ears or the bushes growing out of his nostrils. It drives Gladys crazy. Each time she sits next to him, she grabs a pair of tweezers and begins to pluck away. This, of course, drives George out of his mind and brings tears to his eyes from the pain. Gladys doesn’t understand this since she’s been tweezing since she was out of diapers.

While George is busy at work on his computer, Gladys rolls her office chair next to his with tweezers in hand, and begins to thin the forest from the outside edge of his right ear. He winces, cries, and loses track of what he was doing on his computer. When she starts on his left ear, he yells, “Stop! I’m waiting for those to grow long enough I can do a comb-over!”